The Blog has Moved!

Well, now that things calmed down a little in my life, I found some time (more a reprioritization really) to move over to TypePad. This is going to make my blogging life a lot easier and since I do enjoy my little online braindump here, it was worth the effort..

The new blog(s) are at:

http://onemansrage.typepad.com/ AND
http://onemansrage.typepad.com/one_mans_calm/

I suggest that readers, new and existing read the 'About' page so you can see what I am doing and why.. Some of you will want to stay in one 'blog or the other.. Frankly, I will want some of you to stay out of one 'blog or the other.. But we'll see how it goes and see if I can hold off banning jackasses..

Anyway, check it out and let me know what you think..
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 11:12 PM

 
Hiatus. .

In case any of you are wondering, OMR is on a brief hiatus.. I am moving the 'blog to TypePad (Blogger is a pain in the butt) and taking the opportunity to make some improvements in the meantime..
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 7:46 AM

 
06/05/2004


| - posted by SuperBiff @ 4:00 PM

 
The Jacksons Must Drink Bad Water

NEW YORK — Long before she exposed her right breast to the world during the Super Bowl halftime show, Janet Jackson says she had thoughts about sex.

Really? Janet went through puberty before her halftime show?

"As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I had a very active sexual mind at a very young age. I hope that doesn't sound bad," Jackson tells Blender magazine for its June/July issue.

Don't worry about being judged.. No one is listening to you any more anyway.. And no that doesn't sound bad.. What sounds bad is that a 35-something-year-old has-been musician is trying to rekindle her career by telling us what a horny child she was..

"My first crush was on Barry Manilow (search). He performed on television, and I remember taping it. When no one was around, I used to kiss the screen."

Apparently you absorbed too much radiation in doing so Janet..

Now, Jackson says she expresses more grown-up urges through one of her alter egos, named Strawberry: "She's the most sexual of them all, the wildest."

Strawberry, huh? I wonder if she likes to play Picnic-Time with Blanket?

Notice.. the "most sexual of them all".. Exactly how many voices.. er.. 'alter egos' do you have in there Janet?

The other character living inside her is Damita Jo, which is her middle name and the title of her latest album. Damita Jo, she says, is "a lot harsher, and quick to put you in your place."

Oh no! Look out, one of Janet's personalities is 'harsh' and will put me in my place! OH NO!

I look forward to the day when I have enough money to call the voices in my head my 'alter egos'.. Most people just tell me that I'm schizophrenic.

Seriously, what the hell did the Jackson family put in their drinking water? Clorox? This family sure is a case study in normality.. Joe "I keeps dem kids in me closet", Michael "It's ok that I'm a pedophile. I'm black so my community will support me", Janet "I sing like Alvin the Castrated Chipmunk, only meeker.. But my alter ego says I'm cool!", Tito "I'd put something here but where the hell is Tito?", LaToya "Too bad my psychic ability didn't see that chair coming", and Jermaine "My name rhymes with lettuce. Sorry, that's the most interesting thing about me".

But what do you expect from a family that buys its noses in bulk?
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 2:41 PM

 
You're Kidding, Right?

Ok, I get it now.. I understand.. Kerry is just a decoy.. Its just a matter of time before Gore re-emerges and takes the reins again.. It must be.. Otherwise, what the hell is this?!

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, outlining a plan to reduce the potential for a nuclear attack by terrorists,

I like John F Kerry's (he served in Vietnam you know) 'outlines' .. They really are outlines in the truest sense.. The type of outlines that I made in 3rd grade. Here's a sample:

1. Make the World Safe
  a. Fix all the problems
    I. Make Nukes go away
  b. Have a big party (with Tacos!)
2. Get a more attractive wife

promised on Tuesday to safeguard all the nuclear weapons and materials that exist around the world by the end of his first term if elected.

Kerry then tore his shirt open to reveal a blue suit with a large yellow shield on the front decorated with a large K. "I'm off", he cried, "to gather all the fissionable materials of the world!!". Kerry then flew out the window, leaving the crowd to stare in shocked silence..

Ok I made that last part up..

Kerry, speaking at a container port in the politically important state of Florida, also pledged to reduce existing nuclear weapons stockpiles, halt production of the materials used to make them and end nuclear weapons programs in nations like North Korea and Iran.

I'm glad that SuperKerry has gained omnipotence and can just do all these things.. So what if every president in the last 30 years has been trying to do these same things; Kerry will get it done in 4 years! After all, once we have a strong-willed president like JFKerry to wave his fist at North Korea and Iran while yelling "Stop doing that or I shall yell STOP again!!".. They will definitely roll right over at that point.

The Massachusetts senator promised to boost international efforts to stop the trafficking of nuclear materials and said he would name a national coordinator for nuclear terrorism and counterproliferation, a Cabinet-level post, to focus on the issue full time.

Not a bad idea.. Perhaps involving honest countries such as Pakistan, France and Russia would help; after all, they would never go behind the world's back to establish clandestine deals for arms, nuclear materials, centrifuge parts.. Oh wait, I'm sorry, they all already did. People can bitch all they want about our arms sales but at least (Iran-Contra notwithstanding) we generally tell everyone to whom we're selling shit.

"Today, I am proposing a new initiative to prevent the world's deadliest weapons from falling into the world's most dangerous hands," the presidential candidate said at the Port of Palm Beach, the 18th busiest container port in the country.

Way to define yourself JFKerry.. That doesn't sound at all like when Bush said on 01/20/2004 (and many times before) that: "America is committed to keeping the world's most dangerous weapons out of the hands of the world's most dangerous regimes."

"If we secure all bomb-making materials, ensure that no new materials are produced for nuclear weapons, and end nuclear weapons programs in hostile states like North Korea and Iran, we will dramatically reduce the possibility of nuclear terrorism," he said.

WOW.. I mean.. WOW.. What a brilliant idea! I can't believe no one thought of this before! I am simply .. shocked! .. This would reduce the possibility of nuclear terrorism.. Gee do you fucking think?!

God, what a fucking dipshit! I'd like him to flesh out his 'outline' and explain to me how he's going to do any of this. Does this man think so much of himself that he thinks the world is going to just roll over and fawn at his fingertips to do what he wants?

The world in general loved Clinton and look what happened.. North Korea continued to lie to us and continued seeking nuclear materials and moving towards a weapons program. Libya had a nuclear weapons program more advanced than we thought.. Pakistan had a nuclear weapons program so well hidden that we didn't know about it UNTIL THEY CONDUCTED A FUCKING NUKE TEST.. But Kerry's administration will just magically ensure that all the material is rounded up and no more is made, and all the hostile states will just stop their programs..

The arrogance to make such a statement is simply awe-inspiring.

Kerry and senior foreign policy advisers said President Bush has not given the issue the serious treatment it deserves.

Yeah.. Going to war to knock out one band of terrorists, then taking out a lunatic despot who supported terrorism as well as having a setup that would allow him to jump right back into the production and use of nuclear materials, scaring the crap out of Libya so badly that they just gave up a program that was far further along than any of us had hoped, while keeping pressure on North Korea and keeping the world's eye focused on them.. None of this is taking nuclear proliferation seriously. What is really important is to give a big speech where you say you'll fix everything.

His campaign said the Bush administration would take 13 years to secure the nearly 20,000 nuclear weapons in the former Soviet Union, while Kerry would complete the job in four years. The campaign also asserted that Bush has never raised the issue in summits with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Nice quotes.. Not even in the least bit burdened by even anecdotal example or .. you know.. facts..

Kerry also said the administration has secured less bomb-making material in the two years after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, than in the two years before.

Now this is an absolutely classic Straw Man as it plays both sides of the argument. If Bush is failing and not gathering up as much bomb making material from 9/11/2001 - 9/11/2003, then Kerry can attack with truth. However, if Bush IS succeeding and therefore there are less bomb-making materials to be captured, then Kerry can attack with truth since factually speaking, less will have been captured.

Say there are 100 tons of explosives and in the first 2 years I capture 60 tons of it (60%). Then in the next two years I capture 30 tons of the remainder (75%). Yes, you can say with truth that numerically speaking I have captured less in the next two years. Deceptive and intellectually dishonest, but mathematically accurate.

Of course, this all ignores the simple logic that after 9/11 the roaches all pulled back under the cabinets. When you have a complacent govt like we did under Clinton that lets us be punched in the mouth repeatedly without significant retaliation, our enemies naturally get lax in how guarded they are.

In his remarks, Kerry did not mention Libya's recent decision to end its programs for developing weapons of mass destruction.

Yeah, you wouldn't want to spill reality peanut butter into your fantasy chocolate after all (with apologies to Reese's).

"At this hour, stockpiles go unguarded, bomb-making materials sit in forgotten facilities, and terrorists plot away," the senator said. "They have their technology. They have their scientists. All they need is that material. But we can stop them.

"Remember. No material. No bomb. No nuclear terrorism," he said.

Remember. No backbone to reinforce words with strength. No punishment of terrorist and dictatorial regimes. No end of terrorism.

This has got to be a joke. Can even JFKerry (He served in Vietnam you know) be so arrogant as to believe that he can accomplish in eight years, let alone four, what could not fully be done by Republican or Democrat alike over the past 40 years? I wish the left would hurry up and bring out their real candidate.. This guy is just a joke.

Also on the list of things that will be accomplished by Kerry in his first four years:
* Free diapers for all the "baby's mommas" out there
* A saucer of milk for every kitten
* 100% graduation rates from High School, College, and Idiotarian U
* Everything will cost less
* There will be more of everything
* Peace between the G'Gugvuntt and the Vl'Hurg
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 11:12 AM

 
Coincidences

This is right along the lines of what I was talking about the other day..
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 9:46 AM

 
The 15 Levels of Geekdom

There's an idea that has been kicked around by a friend and I for some time, mostly in jest.. But since its a fun idea anyway, I've decided to set some guidelines for it. Essentially, this combines computers and technology and our real lives with an RPG-style existence to figure out .. if 'Geek' were an adventurer class, what level would you be? I was going to do a 'Geeksperience' table but that's just too difficult and time-consuming.. There are just too many things that one would have to list and then figure out an experience point rating for.. Then you'd have to figure out at what point rating you gain what level, which would lead to the inevitable 'if this guy burns 10000 cdroms is he as knowledgable as the guy who builts 1 10000 point enterprise application?' No, of course not.. But how do you account for it..

Screw that.. Instead I'm going to just lay it out along the lines of people whom I have seen in my life as a Geekus Majorus.

NOTE: This is a work of humor.. The key here is the level of understanding and what you can do, not necessarily how it came about that you can do it.

NOTE the 2nd: This is a long post. I got into this.. What can I say? I'm a Geek!

Level 0: Computer... Ooooooo pretty! You have a computer at work and you've had someone teach you where the ON button is and what sequence of keys to push to get into your email. That's about all you need. You won't admit it, but computers scare the crap out of you. Rather than admit to this, you have a series of excuses why you don't have one at home, but what it boils down to is you "don't need one". Computers are large boxes with a TV on top that never do "what you tell it" while at work, so why have one at home? You don't understand why any of this document is funny.

Level 1: Ok, so you bit the bullet.. You bought a computer. You took it home and after two to three hours on the phone with a very sweet girl from Gateway (or your 10 year old nephew), you managed to get it hooked up. The whole process of taking it out of the boxes and getting it plugged in was likely so stress-inducing that you didn't actually use the computer that night, or at least, you needed a break and waited until after dinner. The computer still scares the crap out of you but it's YOUR computer now. As a result, you don't want anyone else to touch it unless you are around to read a manual and 'explain' things to them. You are constantly heard saying things like "don't mess it up!". You own a dust cover for your mouse. At this point, you could not DREAM of installing software and you are very very happy that there was a sign-up icon for AOL pre-installed by Gateway. You bought a Gateway... You bought a Gateway. You paid about $2500 for a P4-2.8ghz with 512 meg of RAM, a 120 gig hard disk, an ATI Radeon 9200, 50X CDROM, 17" (CRT) monitor, floppy drive, mouse, keyboard.. You have no idea what any of this means. You are very happy with the deal you got and don't understand why your 10 year old nephew rolled his eyes when you told him what you bought. You don't understand why the above is funny.

Level 2: So, you've been using your computer for a while now and are 'starting to get the hang of it'. You have stopped looking for the 'Any' key. At least one piece of software in your computer does not work on a consistent basis. Rather than puzzle out how to fix that problem, you have stopped using that piece of software and instead you use it at work. You have figured out how to copy files to and from the A:. You don't yet understand that A is an arbitrary letter assigned to the drive; for now the floppy drive is 'the A:'. Not surprisingly, your hard drive is 'the C:'. You have explored the hard drive a little bit but quickly retreated from it as you found it very intimidating. However, you did find the My Documents folder and were very proud of yourself having done so. You can install simple pieces of software, knowing that all you really need to do is click the 'Next' button repeatedly. You do not ever choose the 'Custom' setup option; after all, the program says that this is for 'Advanced Users' only. That makes you nervous. You are finding yourself able to talk about computers a little bit and are starting to understand some of the basic concepts, which you consistently refer to by the wrong name. Most of your conversations involve 'what you did on the PC last night' with similar-level coworkers. You don't understand why the System Administrator choked on his coffee while you recounted your adventures exploring the C:. Your 10 year old nephew is no longer allowed to use your computer, having 'messed something up'. You blame him for the piece of software that does not work on a consistent basis. You own several books from the 'Dummies' series; all are dogeared and bookmarked. You like AOL and don't know why your 10 year old nephew has such bad things to say about it. You forward every funny email and warning about the 'Good Times' virus that you get to all your family and friends. You now own a printer.

Level 3: By now you're doing pretty well for a non-IT person. You can copy files around without a problem and you're starting to think that maybe you paid more than you should have to Gateway and have decided that in the future, you're going to buy your computers locally. You understand now that there is no such thing as the 'Good Times' virus and there never was. You are becoming jaded against 419 scams (Nigeria) and other email scams. You are a bit worried, though, as you finally found Internet porn and are afraid your spouse is going to find out. Your 10 year old nephew told you not to worry and to just clear your 'cache' when you are done using the computer but you don't know what that is and were too busy closing pop-up windows and chasing him out of the room to really listen. You now know the difference between a hard disk and a floppy disk, although only insomuch as you can identify which is which; for the most part you think they are the same thing. That piece of software still doesn't work but now you're starting to have some theories on why (they are all wrong). You are really good with certain software packages such as Word, Wordperfect, Excel, and Powerpoint. You have started helping people around the office on their computer problems (usually difficulty getting things to print). You have bought your second computer, this time from Comp-U-Hut down the street. It is a really fast machine and you got a much better deal on it. You have decided that Gateway is a ripoff and you try to tell your friends this, but they don't listen. You still haven't fixed that problem with the software on 'the old computer' (which you have now given to the kids). You're really proud of yourself that the System Administrator has started telling people to ask you when they have problems with Word.

Level 4: You are now really irritated that the System Administrator has started telling people to ask you when they have problems with Word. You are starting to understand why the SA gets irritated with people. You are starting to see how annoying it is that a brilliant MBA, who can do year-end accounting in her head while on a conference call with Tokyo to firm up next year's supply chain, FREAKS OUT when the printer pop-up window tells her that the printer is out of paper. It also really ticks you off that your kids fixed that piece of software on the 'old computer' the night you moved it into their room. You also can't believe how fast that computer runs now and it annoys you that when you ask them how they did it they just tell you they 'tweaked it'. You wonder where all the icons on the old computer's desktop and Start Menu went. You have accepted that you will never understand their level of computer use and you label it a generational thing. You are no longer using AOL; instead you are on Earthlink or such and quite happy there. The AOL discs coming to your door every day are starting to tick you off. Your new computer came with a cd-rom burner and a video capture card. After a LOT of experimenting and some swearing, you finally have gotten it so that you can bring the videos from the kids' birthday parties into the computer and burn them to cd or dvdrom.. You're still not quite sure why you can't play them in your DVD player, but you're getting there. You are no longer at all afraid of the computer, but you don't really know how it works either. Your relationship to your computer is very much like your microwave. You have finally opened up the case of your computer and looked around inside, but you didn't know what to do so you closed it up again.

Level 5: Your 10 year old nephew showed you how to reinstall your operating system. This was a great day in your computing life. You see now that the factories preload the systems with a bunch of crap that no one in their right mind could ever use all of. You have dropped Earthlink and have gotten a cable modem. Your 10 year old nephew showed you how to set it up so that both computers in the house work with it and it all works great, except when it goes out. You don't know why that happens, but you accept it and know that if you leave it alone it will just come back. You didn't like how slow Quake IV was running on your computer, so you installed a new video card. It wasn't nearly as difficult as you thought. Your computer now runs pretty well and you are starting to wonder why you were ever so afraid of the thing. You can actually hold your own in an intelligent conversation with the System Administrator at work. He still goes over your head sometimes, but you usually get the gist of it. You are COMPLETELY addicted to the Internet and now use it to pay bills, check your account balances, read the news, and watch entirely too much porn. You have put up a very ugly webpage. The other adults in your family now ask you for advice, which they don't take. At family reunions, you find yourself talking more and more to your 10 year old nephew about how they never listen to him either and how to beat Level 16 on StarFlups.

---

NOTE: Non-hobbyist and Non-IT people generally stop here. Sure, you learn how to do more random things with the computer, but all in all, it stays an appliance to you and your usage of it tends to be more rote than expertise.

---

Level 6: Welcome to IT! You are either the System Administrator for a small network or a Junior/Assistant System Administrator to a larger network. Typically, you are fresh out of college and ready to wow people. You are eager, energetic and ready to help. You can reinstall operating systems, swap cards in and out and given a few days, you can build a PC from parts. You still buy your computers pre-assembled, as you feel that the labor and part warranties make up for the cost savings. You now shop CDW and have a good relationship with Ron, your Account Executive (Editor's Factoid: 99% of all Account Executives in the IT world are named Ron. We are still unsure why). You screw up at work every once in a while and botch something, but generally you have a good excuse as to why it wasn't your fault (which works on everyone except the Senior System Administrator who raises his hand to cut you off and says 'just fix it' before walking away muttering to himself). You are really pretty good at your job and are always trying to help people in the office do things 'the right way'. You take the initiative to clean up people's desktops and reorganize their Start Menu 'the right way' so that is more efficient when you help them with their problems. You do not understand why people in the office often come in asking if the other SA is around and when you say no and offer to help they back away going "No no.. that's ok.. I'll check with him later".. You are addicted to MP3s and are constantly listening to streaming audio. You are a member of many 'Warez' sites. You think you are Level 9.

Level 7: You've been in your job for a while and have fallen into a nice little routine. You look down your nose at a lot of the people in your office since they seem to go out of their way to resist when you try to make their lives more efficient. Oh well, you think, its their problem.. You are screwing up a lot less often now, which is good. Unfortunately when you screw up now it tends to be a real 'whammy' of a mistake, which is bad. You can now get a new system assembled in just over a day if people leave you alone. You have a system now for keeping all your driver files and discs together. This has made you a lot more efficient. After a closed-door talk with the Senior System Administrator about strange spikes in the network usage and the overwhelming amount of network traffic going to and from your computer, you have shut down your warez site and started listening to MP3s off of your hard disk rather than streaming them. You built the web site for the office. Its not great, but it works.

Level 8: Building a computer now takes you about 1/2 a day, provided the user doesn't need a ton of software installed. The office web site has gotten a 'face lift' and is looking better than ever. You have accepted that most people at work just want the computer to not screw up and don't care about the bells and whistles. This has made you a much better support person. You are now learning how to program, as you are finding the SA role more mind numbing and Janitorial every day. You love the people at work, but your job annoys you. You are now good enough at your job that much of your day is spent on your own pet projects and helping you grow your skills. Your boss doesn't care because the office network is running so well. Since you have mellowed out, you have found a happy medium with your users in teaching them without annoying them. As a result, you have created two or three Level 3 people within the office. You ask them to help other people when they have problems with Word.

Level 9: You bid farewell to the SA role and your friends in the office, having grown your skillset to a level where you just can't deal with it anymore. The office is doing ok anyway.. One of your level 3 people is now a level 4 and gripes at you a lot about sending people to him/her with Word questions. They are learning more every day.. The new guy coming in to replace you is a Level 6, which makes you chuckle as you see the looks on your office friends' faces when they meet him. You tell them that it will be fine. Your new job is a junior level programming position. You are very nervous going in as you have achieved the level of Geekdom where you now realize that you don't know a damn thing. At some point you met a guy whose 'offhand' knowledge scared the crap out of you (we will refer to this as 'The Mark Hoppe Effect'). You are settling in well at your new job and knocking the tasks they give you right out. Most of what you are doing is simple data-in data-out applications, but you do them quickly and efficiently and with a zeal that comes from the fact that taking this job nearly doubled your salary. By now, your home network is starting to get 'tricked out'.. You have a scanner, a digital camera, a sweet printer, and a new computer which you built yourself for 1/3rd the cost of those at Comp-U-Hut. It has 'issues' but you manage it.. You tell yourself if you ever run into the little snotnose from Comp-U-Hut that sold you your second computer and told you that no one could need more than <insert some figure relating to some piece of hardware like RAM or hard disk here>, you're going to slug him. College Computer Science majors start here, believing they are Level 12.

Level 10: You have a real passion for this stuff now. The term 'Geek' is now a compliment to you, although you will hurt anyone who calls you a 'Nerd' or a 'Dork'. You have figured out that you made a mistake when building your last PC in going for the cheapest parts without regard to branding. You realize now that while parts are mostly the same, there are some things you just don't skimp on. Fortunately, this was no big deal as you just replaced the problem parts. You are now amassing quite a collection of random computer parts and have a large Zip-Lock bag full of screws, twist ties, jumpers and various other tiny computer parts that you cannot bring yourself to throw away.. And this is not a pack-rat thing as you have already had it happen several times that at the worst possible moment, you need some obscure part you don't have. Nowadays, you just go to your box o' parts and grab said obscure part; you have eight. You now have Pricewatch.com and NewEgg.com bookmarked. You love ASUS motherboards, but know not to touch their video cards with a 10 foot pole. You want to meet the guys who run Tom's Hardware and AnandTech. You have every IM installed since you talk to lots of people and some of them are on one and not the others. Except your geek friends, they're all on all of them (and you have them in your Buddy list in each program for some reason). You hate at least one of the IM programs you have installed. The people in your family now largely avoid talking computers with you as you just go right over their head and they become glass-eyed almost immediately. Your 11 year old nephew (he had a birthday) is now regarded by you as clearly the most intelligent member of the family. You give him SWEET birthday and Christmas presents that freak his parents out a little bit since they seem extravagant (them not knowing that nowadays a badass CPU upgrade can cost less than the new Air Jordans). He refers to you as 'the cool uncle/aunt'. You are doing more for his longterm career just by talking to him and encouraging him than his own parents. Work is going great. You have fallen into a nice little routine of churning out applications as directed, often under budget. Every week you are learning a new way to do some programming task that makes you shake your head at the way you did things previously. You know how I did this and it irritates the crap out of you that I did it that way. You know what Frames are and dammit, you "fucking hate frames!!!". It irritates the hell out of you that IE usually clears the form you were submitting when you press the Back button. You now use two monitors at home for your main computer. It confuses the hell out of people when they first see it. This makes you smile.

Level 11: Work is still going well although you have progressed far enough as a programmer that you are starting to get irritated by the pointy-haired bosses that ask for things that make utterly no sense. The fact that you did so well when building the smaller applications is now coming back to bite you in the ass; your bosses, who usually know nothing whatsoever about programming, now expect you to churn out software in the same timeframe, despite the fact that the new requirements are 10-50 times more complicated. You know all about the programming 'triangle'. Your boss, unfortunately, has never heard of it. At home there really isn't much further you can go beyond playing with Linux, which you are now doing and (usually) concluding 'This is really sweet.. Too bad its not realistic for me to shift to it'.. You have long since tired of arguing with Linux people and their holier-than-thou attitude. If you are a 'nix programmer, substitute Mac for Linux here. If you are a Mac person, substitute PC for Linux here. You now can fully assemble a machine, including installation of the operating system, in under 3 hours. It wouldn't even take that long except that you are now building machines with sweet modified cases that tend to have extra parts you have to move out of the way. Whenever you go to submit a long form or email, you know to press CTRL-A, CTRL-X, CTRL-V in rapid succession.. Just in case.. You wish Yahoo didn't log you out so much. You no longer are WILLING to discuss computers with anyone in the family but your 11 year old nephew. Most of the people who like computers in the family are stuck at Level 3 and you're just so sick of answering the same questions from the same people who aren't really listening anyway since they are convinced they are really Level 7.

Level 12: You've changed jobs at least once. Wherever you go, you are in the top 1% of the programmers at the company, which usually means that either you or 'the other guy' are top dog. This sickens you as you still feel like you have so much to learn. The 'Mark Hoppe Effect' has faded away but you are acutely aware of how much you do NOT know. Level 6 and 7 System Administrators now irritate the crap out of you. If you wanted to be mean, you'd point out to them that you left their job long ago because it was mind-numbingly boring and that they are essentially the Janitors of the IT world. But, you don't.. You just don't care enough to bother. At work, you are adopting a 'just get it done' mindset. You program to the highest level you are allowed; the strange work environment still holds you back from your potential but you are starting to not care as much. Programming has become so second nature to you that you look back with a bit of nostalgia at the time when you were new and excited by the whole thing.. Back when it still had the feeling of exploration.. This is long gone. Now, you'd rather go hiking in your free time. Dilbert has long since stopped being fiction. Now Dilbert annoys you a little bit since you have mapped all of the characters to your corresponding officemates.

Level 13: You've stopped reading Slashdot for the most part as the conspiracy theories and the 'Microsoft is the AntiChrist' people bore the hell out of you. You are now actively trying to maneuver yourself into a better career position where you do less grunt-programming and more design. You are still fighting with your bosses every day since they still don't understand the value of the design phase. Your home network is now more powerful than that of some small businesses. For this very reason, and the fact that you get more accomplished there, you push to work at home at least part of the time. Your bosses typically give in and allow at least a few days a week at home since even they notice how much more you get done there. You are now finding yourself irritated by Level 9 and 10 programmers who are still in the 'Mark Hoppe Effect' but are too arrogant to realize it. Computers have become so second nature to you at this point that non-computer people freak out just watching you in your day to day work. You often turn around in your office to find someone staring slack-jawed at your computer screens; this person has been watching you for five minutes in stunned shock and says to you "How the hell do you DO that?!".. Multitasking is so ingrained into your personality now that at any given point you are listening to mp3s, programming, composing at least one email, and periodically switching over to read the news or chat with one to five people on IM. You do the latter almost subconsciously, switching into an IM window, scanning a message and typing a reply in the five seconds that it takes for your web browser to reload so that you can see if your new changes work. At first your boss was annoyed that you IM'd people. Now he understands to just leave you alone; IM keeps you happier and you get more done and he can't even follow how fast you are in and out of it anyway. Caffeine is your friend. You seriously consider ordering caffinated soap from ThinkGeek.com.

Level 14: You are now multitasking on a level that freaks out Level 11s. Your workstation has evolved to the point where a simple 'desk' does not cut it anymore; you now LOVE cubicle furniture. Chances are you use a butterfly-style keyboard and your left-pinky and ring fingers are often sore from too much ALT-TAB usage. Computers that have only one monitor freak you out.. Yours may well have four or five by now. Everything about your life is technology. If you go camping, you have with you a badass GPS-enabled kinetically-powered watch with a 128 meg USB stick built into it, as well as a jacket lined with solar panels on the back and an electrical jack in the lining that is charging your cell phone while you are out hiking (yes, this DOES exist and yes it IS sweet). You stopped using cds for music a LONG time ago, with the possible exception of in your car, where you use mp3-filled cdroms since there just isn't a really great hard-disk based solution for the car yet (but when it gets there, you'll know and you'll have it). You try not to be too condescending in your smile towards people who don't know what Bluetooth is. You take an active interest in debates on Capital Hill regarding technology. You think that Napster got screwed, you hate the RIAA and the MPAA and you microwaved all your Metallica cds while muttering to yourself about 'freaking hypocrite sellouts' (you later downloaded all their songs in mp3 since you did miss 'the old Metallica' and because you knew that if they knew you did it would really piss them off.. You justify this to yourself since you DID purchase the cds.. You saved the pictures of their microwaved carcasses to prove it). There is a computer hooked up to at least one of the televisions in your house; your friends who come over do not understand why. You don't find it funny anymore when someone calls themselves a Luddite. Even if you love nature and the outdoors, vote Green Party or Liberal every election, are a militant vegetarian and don't eat anything that casts a shadow, you still want to smash the anti-technology people like the ELF in the head with a tire iron. You are firmly convinced that all technology is morally neutral; after all, crazed people in Rwanda killed 400,000 in a week with machetes.. That's pretty low-tech. Therefore the true solution to the world's problems is just to keep advancing technology until it satisfies all our needs. One of your biggest pet peeves is that we don't have Fusion yet.

Level 15: You stopped ordering from ThinkGeek.com because it was too much money for stuff that you were savvy enough to find online from less expensive vendors. You are pushing hard at work to get yourself to where you can be CIO, CTO, or Chief Software Architect. You know the difference between these titles. You have something else in your life that you would far rather be doing career-wise, but IT keeps you because of the money. You have designed and implemented at least one enterprise-wide system from scratch. You have so much computer stuff at home that you find yourself giving away computers. Your 15 year old nephew (its been a few years of progress) now not only likes you; he RESPECTS you.. You tell him to let you know when he picks his college and you will set him up with a sweet computer.. And you will.. Your biggest wish now is to make as much money as you can as fast as you can (without driving yourself insane), not to be rich and lord it over everyone, but so you can live a simpler life.. full of technology toys, but doing something else.. Most likely choices include: teaching, writing, being a musician, working on Harleys, etc..

Reading stuff like this would make you laugh more if it wasn't so true.

Beyond: Beyond this point there really is nothing new.. Everything is just learning a new software package, programming language or operating system. Nothing about a computer intimidates you anymore, nor do you have any use for people who think they are geniuses for knowing computers and lord it over those who do not. At this point, where people go with their knowledge comes down to choice of career and hobby.. But the fundamentals are the same and the only thing that remains to be seen is if the person will expend the energy to keep up with technology and stay Level 15 or if they will find other priorities in life. At this point, you understand that it is okay to have other priorities in life.

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So..what level are you?
| - posted by SuperBiff @ 11:50 PM